Parental Conflict – A Guide for Professionals
What is Parental Conflict?
Parental conflict is a way of talking about the regular difficulties some couples and co-parents may experience in their relationships with one another. All relationships have challenges, and arguing and disagreeing is normal, but when that conflict is frequent, intense, and poorly resolved it can be harmful and destructive. Parental conflict may include regular bickering, arguing, micro-managing issues such as contact, lack of positive communication, name-calling, and point-scoring.
Parental conflict is not the same as Domestic Abuse. It does not involve coercive control, emotional, physical, financial, or sexual abuse and does not involve either party feeling fearful of the other. Domestic Abuse should not be regarded as parental conflict that has got out of hand; the two need to be seen as separate issues. poor communication and unhelpful behaviours within relationships which are equal and balanced.
What does it mean for children & young people?
When parents communicate, cooperate, and collaborate, whether they are together as a couple, children do better. When children are exposed to conflict that is frequent, intense, and poorly resolved it can lead to negative outcomes for them socially, emotionally, and educationally. This applies across all ages and stages from new-born babies to young adults.
There is significant research that children may experience inconsistent parenting because of the adult conflict and that it can also damage the relationship, they, as children have with their parents.
Parental conflict may be between parents who are together as a couple or those who are separated or divorced but have a co-parenting responsibility. It can also apply to conflict between any two adults who play a significant and meaningful role in the child’s life. E.g. Grandparents who are kinship carers or Dad & Step-Mum.
How Do I Spot the Signs?
Signs in the parents may include
- Disagreeing and contradicting one another
- Negative body language – i.e., eye rolling, sitting far away from one another
- Encouraging professionals to take sides
Signs in the children may include
- Reporting that they are being used as a messenger, a spy, a mediator, a judge, or a counsellor for their parent
- Withdrawn and Isolated
- Changes in behaviour
- Choosing to spend more time away from the family home
What support is available?
Relationships are hard and relationship breakdown can be very painful and impact all parties. We need to ensure there is access to good quality, non-judgemental support for adults and children.
North Yorkshire Council have invested in access to a trio of quality digital courses parents can access free of charge.
The programmes are:
- Me, you & baby too – for new and expectant parents
- Arguing Better – for couples who want to improve their communication
- Getting it right for children for separating and separated parents
Digital resources (oneplusone.org.uk)
Where can I get more information?
More information can be accessed in the Stronger Relationships – Reducing Parental Conflict Practice guidance.
For more information about Stronger Relationships and Parental Conflict please contact Linda Wester. Linda.wester@northyorks.gov.uk
Page reviewed: July 2024
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