Parental Conflict – A Guide for Parents
What is Parental Conflict?
Parental conflict is a way of explaining the difficulties some couples and co-parents may experience in their relationships with one another. All relationships have challenges and arguing and disagreeing is normal but when that conflict is poorly resolved, and we don’t find solutions it can be harmful. Parental conflict may include regular bickering, arguing, lack of positive communication, name-calling, and point-scoring. It may also mean harmful communication patterns such as blaming, ignoring or no communication, which can mean children are stuck in the middle, sometimes becoming the communicator between parents.
What does it mean for your child?
When parents communicate, cooperate, and collaborate, whether they are together or separated, their children do better. In contrast, when children are exposed to conflict that is frequent, intense, or poorly resolved, it can affect how they feel, how they behave, and how well they manage at school and in their friendships. Children of all ages, from newborns to young adults, can be impacted by conflict between the adults who matter most to them.
It is easy to assume that avoiding arguments in front of children protects them from harm. However, even when children do not directly see or hear disagreements, they are often aware that something is wrong. They pick up on tension, changes in atmosphere, and shifts in family routines.
We also know that ongoing conflict between parents can affect the relationship children have with each of their parents. When the adults they rely on are in conflict, children can feel caught in the middle, uncertain, or less secure in their connections.
This short video provides a child’s perspective on parental conflict:
What causes conflict in relationships?
Lots of the normal pressures of busy family life can pile add to stress and trigger arguments and conflict. This could include arguments about money, household jobs, family dynamics or even the arrival of a new baby.
These are just examples, and disagreements are a normal part of family life. What matters most is how they are handled and resolved. Every family is different, but these situations can happen to anyone, and it’s easy for unhealthy communication patterns to slip in and start to feel normal. Over time, they can become habits without us even realising.
Remember it’s important to stay calm – respond in a constructive way. Use I statements and think about how you can work together – keep your child at the centre of your decisions, even if it feels hard.
Parental conflict is not the same as Domestic Abuse. It does not involve coercive control, emotional, physical, financial or sexual abuse and does not involve either parent feeling fearful of the other. If you feel your relationship may be abusive please visit IDAS https://idas.org.uk/ for support and information.
What help is available?
Relationships can be challenging, and when they break down it can be upsetting for everyone involved, both adults and children. There are many ways for you to find help in North Yorkshire, and no one has to manage these difficulties alone.
North Yorkshire families can access the Togetherness website and use the code NYFAMILIES to access the Understanding your relationships module.
North Yorkshire has funded the Triple P family transitions online course for parents who have recently separated. This 5 module online course supports parents to:
- Reduce negative impacts and help children feel supported
- Build children’s emotional coping skills
- Stay calmer and more confident in difficult moments
- Improve communication and reduce conflict
Visit https://www.triplep-parenting.uk.net/uk/parenting-courses/family-transitions-triple-p-online/
Please email parenting@northyorks.gov.uk for more information and a referral code
Relate
Offers a wide range of self‑help tools, advice and guidance to support healthy relationships.
- https://www.relate.org.uk/get-help/toolkits/co-parenting-separate-houses
- https://www.relate.org.uk/get-help/we-cant-stop-arguing
Relate also offers the In the Middle Bot, which helps parents consider communication from their child’s point of view: https://www.relate.org.uk/reducing-parental-conflict/in-the-middle-bot
Relationship Matters
Supports families and couples—whether together or separated—to understand and build healthy relationships. https://relationshipsmatter.org.uk/
Family Lives
Coram Family Lives provides support to families experiencing challenges such as relationship breakdown, conflict, behaviour difficulties, debt, and emotional or mental wellbeing concerns. https://www.coramfamilylives.org.uk/advice/your-family/relationship-advice/
See It Differently
Offers a range of videos showing the impact of parental conflict on children, along with practical advice and strategies to support healthier communication. https://www.seeitdifferently.org/
Gingerbread
A charity supporting single parents across England and Wales, offering advice, information and opportunities to connect with others. https://www.gingerbread.org.uk/
Page reviewed: June 2026
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